the little things

Uploaded by me on Flickr.

I’ve been coveting this shirt for quite a while now and I finally found it, a few days before I leave Toronto. I think it’s the logo of a local rec league hockey team.

Another furious day of packing, followed by some time hanging out with a very new friend. Doesn’t it always happen that you meet great people just as you’re about to move out of town? To think that I spent two years here not having a clue how to go about meeting people I get along with. Thinking about it, my friends from this Toronto phase of my life, I’ve met them all through internet communities - I started with a hockey site, then a gardening site, and now, a photo-sharing site. Some people overlap between a few of these places. I think I’ve been really lucky, meeting the people that I have. Most of these friendships played itself out strictly online while some bled over into real-life, as it did with the friend I met with today. I really do believe that these connections formed over the internet have been very meaningful ones for me, especially so during a period of profound isolation. My life is going to change quite a bit over the next couple of months - my social life may play out a little more out in the so-called real world, but I am crossing fingers that these connections I’ve found will continue to thrive.

I guess I’m feeling a little sentimental today, having tired myself out being in the moving “zone” for a few hours, packing away my clothes. After dinner, I took my dog out for a long walk around the park. We have a ritual now where we walk until we get to our designated bench. Usually, the breeze off the water is very soothing and my dog seems to enjoy sitting there as I smoke a cigarette. When I’m done with my habit, I spend a few minutes showering her with affection, which she especially enjoys. Since she’s not moving with me, every time we go on our walks, I’m trying to treasure the specialness of it, hoping that her future walks will be filled with much pleasure and affection, for the walker and the walkee.

july 4, 2005

Originally uploaded by sa_ku_ra.

Ack, so the moving stress is real. Afterall, how many more days do I have… 4? 5? Any minute now, this “in the zone” mentality is going to hit me and I’ll be doing the last of my packing in a furious, possessed state. I have to go through the crap in the bathroom, go through my files, start packing clothes… once I enter that state, I’ll probably have this cyborg-like stare until my U-Haul truck is safely across the border, my mounds of stuff carried into my new home one by one. Once all that is done… I’ll probably crash out, crack open a beer, and enjoy it on my new front porch.

I know I’m going to love it there… but so damned tedious and complicated getting myself (and all my stuff) there.

Anyway, next time you hear from me, it’ll probably be from Ohio. Everyone, take care.

june 19 2005

Originally uploaded by sa_ku_ra.

I had aspirations to become a sumo wrestler.

Spent the last couple of hours scanning pics from my childhood and also some photos of my parents when they were younger. It’s a funny process, visually cataloguing your life, putting the chaotic bits into a semblance of order. Some images jogging stronger memories than others (while other images have created lives of their own, even if I don’t remember exactly what was going on when they were taken. You’d think that I could put off doing something messy and complicated like this until a day when I actually have the time to do this, right?

I think these images I have been looking at would have provoked a different response a little while ago - as close as a few months ago. Today, they are from a time in its own compartment. If anything, they remind me that I have been pretty darn lucky in my life… but I don’t long to return there. Today, I’m realizing that I’m pretty happy to be where I am, who I am, at age 37.

june 17 2005

Originally uploaded by sa_ku_ra.

This picture has almost nothing to do with my day. Except for the fact that I’ve been dealing with my accumulated crap over the years which I have to move in a few weeks. The end result… a new home, a new job, a new life… is happily anticipated, but I forgot how much of a pain in the ass moving is. I should be working on my writing, but the need for stuff to get organized and put away nags at me to pack yet another box. Even though I’ve been thinning out my belongings over the years, 37 years’ worth of stuff is a lot to haul around. I hate moving.

june 12 2005

Originally uploaded by sa_ku_ra.

This pic was taken yesterday on Ward’s Island, but the weather is basically a continuation of what it’s been like for something like a week. Humid, hot, smoggy, hints of thunderstorms that never happen. I went out to the island again with Sarah, Gayla, and Davin - which was such a great idea for yesterday - to bike around, look at bird and wildflowers, and take a lot of photos. Just getting away from the city across the water was awesome. If I knew I wouldn’t be kicked off, I’m thinking taking my work with me and sitting on the ferry going back and forth between Harbourfront, Ward’s and Hanlon’s Point might be a great way to spend a hot day the next time it comes around. Today, for instance, I was useless with work. I would have been far less cranky if I had spent the day on the water.

I’m starting to get the hang of the LC-A. This shot and its variation were two of my favourites of the day. The sky looked magical and the images came out exactly the way I wanted them to.

june 6 2005

Originally uploaded by sa_ku_ra.

Yesterday, I met up with a bunch of people I got to know through gardening and went to the herb fair at the Harbourfront. I promised myself I wasn’t going to get anything - I should know myself better by now. After that, we walked around the water’s edge, then went to near Gerrard St. in the East End where my friend lives - three of us poked around Little India, took photos, and ate at an Indian buffet.

Today was not quite as exciting. I took the car in for a thorough check-up and planted all the herbs I got yesterday. You’d think that with the cold, late spring, they’ll hold off on the heat and humidity, right? But no. It’s cooled down some tonight, but the smog was back. All day, I was waiting for a thunderstorm that never happened.

Someone very dear to me is having a rough time. I hope he pulls through. All I can offer right now are words, and at the moment, they lack power to do, to change anything. Not that it helps a thing, but I am sending positive thoughts.

may 31 2005

Originally uploaded by sa_ku_ra.

I suppose it’s necessary to have days like this once in a while. Got my hair cut for the first time since… late December? Has it been that long?… and ended up hanging out downtown all afternoon. Ate a deli sandwhich in the park while watching other people taking their lunch breaks in singles and groups. I felt girly and giddy so ended up purchasing a skirt, which is somewhat out of character. Met up with my friend Shal after she got out of class and talked over coffee and cheesecake.

Back to the grind tomorrow

That seems to be the prevalent state of my mind these days. I feel antsy. I don’t want to be here, yet I have another month of sitting around waiting for the next step. Meanwhile, there are things that need tending to, that are not getting done… because I’m feeling antsy and discombobulated. It’s all so very circular. My family is not helping, simply by being around; even though they are not actually hovering, I feel like they are in my face, all the time. I need my space and breathing room, yet when I get a few hours of that, I just waste it away. I feel like my priorities are a little askew at the moment. There should be a way to organize all this new stuff going on in my life in a coherent, manageable way. Maybe because there’s been a whole lot of nothing for so long that with a spurt of activity and stuff, I get all disoriented, not sure what to focus on when. I need to do something about that, because I’m going to have a busy, busy year coming up and I also want to fully enjoy all the possibilities it is already suggesting. I need to shape up, get some discipline installed in my life, or else I’m going nowhere fast.

sprouting leaf lettuce

Originally uploaded by sa_ku_ra.

I think I totally jumped the gun, but I went ahead and transplanted my vegetable seedlings into the ground. I hope this was not a mistake and that the temp. stays moderate enough for them to stay alive outside. That said, it was quite satisfying to see my cucumber, tomatoes, eggplant, basil, and winter squash all esconced in their designated places. Still a lot of space between them but in a few weeks they’ll fill out for sure.

Also started to do some packing. I’ve been acquiring furniture in bits and pieces over the past week or so. Having sold or given away most furniture I owned during my last move, I’m kinda starting from scratch again. More reason to feed my IKEA addiction.

The plan was to go birdwatching with Sraah again today, but since no one else was around to look after the dog, I had to cancel (it would have been a glorious day for it too)… and it looks like it’s going to rain tomorrow for Victoria Day. Birding postponed until next weekend

Someone up there is reminding me that I have work to do.

may 21 2005

Originally uploaded by sa_ku_ra.

I’ve been deliriously happy lately.

If only I could also get my work done, LOL.

I succumbed to the relaxing long weekend vibe and worked on the yard today. Much of what needed to be transplanted got taken care of. Now I’m waiting for a little bit of rain.

Work tomorrow, bird-watching trip the next.